Ok so yea I was an 80’s kid and grew up watching 4 things that hunted my dreams. These 4 horror icons were Freddy Kruger, Pinhead, Mike Myers and last but not least the cuddly third string pine riding goalie Jason Voorhees (whom is none to impressed with being benched and turning his sports focus to swimming…) These guys were terrifying in every sense of the word… well for a kid you bet your ass they were!
Anyhoots, after watching the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre I was oh so stoked to see this movie. Now everyone is always saying it makes no sense how Jason never dies… well boys and girls I have a new theory! Ok so the movie opens with your standard horror movie stuff. A group of kids lost in the woods and stumble across the infamous CRYSTAL LAKE! (like in the tales they use to tell) Well here is where it gets interesting. Two fools have a sneaky plan to find this HUUUGE crop (marijuana for the ones who have had no fun) and they are going to steal it and smoke sell it. (Stoopid kids) This is the grave mistake ladies and gents… ya see a little known fact about Jason is he smokes MAAAAAD TREES! And will in fact will slaughter any and all who try to defile even one of his lovely green ladies! (I dunno man that’s what he calls it)
What is this theory you speak of this guy? Well friends check this out Jason comes back to life because of the CRAZY herbs he smokes, this is why truly he does not want people at Crystal Lake if they find the resection weed which, from here on out I will reefer to (see what I did there… crafty!) as the “Rezo” everyone and their dogs or pet rocks would be able to come back and it would be bad for the slasher film genera all together. Wait… what I was talking about…. OH YEA!! Ok so that’s the reason why he won’t die… his crazy greens! I know what you’re thinking now… But “This Guy he went to space and he still came back” Well my answer to that is … “Yea well… sh… shut up that movie didn’t count!” HA! Didn’t see that one coming did ya!? Right back to the review.
The best thing about this movie is the fact that I was thinking the whole first half hour of the film that they were killing people off to quick and that I thought that grocery kid from Gilmore Girls was in it… er… I mean Gilmore girls pfff what’s that? When’s the UFC fight on… (phew dodged a bullet that time) *coughs* but thankfully it was only the intro of the movie. I love the fact it took a half hour for the title to pop p on the screen.
First thing anyone will notice is that Jason is crazy quick in this movie. The new strain of Rezo has some craaazy side effects. Seriously though, I don’t know whats more creepy a guy in this film who talks to a manikin about a “special night” they shared. The one guy informing his “bedmate” that she has “perfect nipple placement” (smooth guy… real smooth) or the stoned semi dead guy wearing a hockey mask killing people. Ok don’t get me wrong this movie was great it has all the classic Jason jumps and scares but it more gritty and has some pretty good laughs in there also.
Last thing I will say about this movie is if you like horror movie or liked any Friday the 13th go have a watch it will be worth it. I mean for a 2 hour Anti drug commercial it was FANTASTIC!
Remember kiddies don’t do drugs… or I’m telling Jason u stole his stash…. Then laugh.
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